There is a blue canary in my loft. It whistles like a man, and for that matter, pants like one too. My wife and I fall into bed each night, and pull the heavy quilts over our heads to warm us quicker. We kiss gently, a soft flutter on the lips, one each, for the other. Then we settle into our sides. The bed is shaped like two gutters, to hold each of us, without passion- prisoners inside flesh.
Our marriage produced no children, and by now I’m certain it must be impossible for Jean to harbour life. Our marriage is barren, childless, but it wasn’t always sexless. We married young, too young, in the sixties. Our love was, as clichéd as it sounds, free. Jean’s hair was long enough to sit on and she lived in pastel dresses. I loved my bell-bottoms, and made my own tie-dye shirts. Those were the days when you could go for a meal and heart-shaped tabs were the aperitif. Those were the days when we couldn’t stop touching each other. Those were the days before Jean’s pregnancy scares, before our worries, before the abortion that left us without.
The blue canary has started rustling and scraping recently; trying to scrape through the ceiling, to get my attention. A hole has appeared above my side of the bed. Sometimes I spot one of his eyes watching me; an astoundingly brilliant azure, streaked with lightning bolts of yellow. When I pretend not to notice him looking I hear him mewing like a kitten, desperate and alone.
My wife says she cannot hear him, but I think she has stopped listening.
Violet Dahl